he doesn’t care

I spent more than an hour of travel time today talking with David about his behaviors.  About the path that his behaviors are leading him down. And while it felt like he was listening and actually hearing what I was saying to him.  I realize now that he may have been listening, but he doesn’t care.

He does what he wants, if I call him on his actions, he walks away and says Okaaaayyy..

With an air of “I don’t care”.

And honestly, he doesn’t.  breaks my heart.  we are trying so hard to welcome him home, to work within the limits of his disability. It isn’t his fault that he doesn’t care.

He cries if I tell him that because his behaviors are so difficult, and unmanageable that I am taking him to safe bed.  This is the only time he shows sadness.  that he shows any emotion other than indifference or anger.

I thought that things were better, in my heart, I hope that they are.  Reality is so much different from hopes and dreams.

Comments

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4 Responses to he doesn’t care

  1. I keep thinking–even when things are rough, and horrible, how much worse they could be if my kids weren’t in my home.  THey’d probably be in a gang, or homeless, or something I don’t even want to imagine.  So, I keep on keeping on–even though it’s hard.  I have a faith in God, and I cling to that.  Sometimes it’s only by my fingernails–and I’m a nail biter!!  (HA HA!)  But we do get through the hard times, we move on the the good times, and try to enjoy those as they happen.

    • in all things, there are two constants. Faith and Hope.
      We aren’t giving up, we just realize that sometimes, we can’t do it alone.

      there should be a 12 step program for us.

      1. Realized that we were powerless…
      2.

  2. Carl…  I pray for you, David, and your family.  

    I think you know this already…  But perhaps it is helpful to hear it from somewhere other than your own mind.  

    David is what David is.  He is a child of God.  He has abilities you and I will never have.  He has challenges we will never have.  

    I have not the foggiest notion of advice to offer except that you have little choice but to accept him for what and who he is and work from there.  

    Help David become the best version of what and who he is.

    Honestly…  I could see a human being like him become an artist or a welder with unimaginable, unequaled talent.  Channel that talent.  Channel that energy to something good.  He is on this earth for a reason.  Where can you turn him loose?  What does he love?  Where can David be David?

    God Bless.

    • Brother Rainmaker.

      You are so very correct. He has potential that we can only begin to fathom. The hard part isn’t loving him. The hard part is everything else that comes with him. But, to love him, we have to accept the whole child.

      At this point, it is as much about caring for his needs as it is caring for the the needs of our other children. How do we balance the needs of one against the needs of many? That is the challenge.

      In honesty, I have no answers. Every time I think I have an insight, I realize that all I have are more questions.

      As a person who was adopted, I can see a little of David in my behaviors growing up. Nothing like what he is going through.

      I would love to speak to parents/therapists and caregivers about our successes and failures. About the challenges that we have met, and beaten. But also about the losses, because the lesson isn’t so much in the success as it is in the failures that you attempt before you taste success.

      Does that make sense? With success comes failure, with failure, as long as you keep trying, you can find success.

      David succeeds when he can be the center of what ever universe he is occupying at the present time. Be it school, transportation, or home. If he is the center of the world, he can be golden. However… we don’t always get to choose the universe that we want to and do live in.