Category Archives: advocate

Don’t give up on me.

With those few words, “Don’t give up on me.” David ended our phone call tonight.

Dad, don’t give up on me.

I assure him each time that I won’t.  He is our son and will always be our son.  See today he admitted to assaulting his mom.  If he had been adult, he would have been guilty of a felony.

Look closely, this is not what people with developmental disabilities should go through

As it is, he is in a detention center where he has been since March 27th.  On Friday he will move to what is called a safe bed, which will allow him a bit more freedom, as well as a chance to get back on his medication.  (why the detention center for youth doesn’t give him his medications like they are prescribed is a fight for another day).  Then next Tuesday, he will be moving to a Youth Home in another city.

See.  For the longest time, we (his whole team) has referred to his condition as a mental illness.  And really, it’s more than that.

It’s a developmental disability.  His brain was harmed during development.  There is no “cure” for that.  There is maintenance and long term support. His condition is known as FASD  (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder)  it’s a condition visited upon him by his birth mom.  Because she chose to do drugs and drink while she was pregnant.  He went through withdrawals immediately after birth.

So with the upcoming placement we are hoping that he will get support.  That he will again stabilize and become the best version of himself that he can be.  He knows his brain is different.

Seeing him locked in the detention center has been difficult.  To have him in waist chains and handcuffs is very difficult to see.  This is not where he needs to be.  In truth, there isn’t really a place for the kids like him, kids who will grow into adulthood without a place in their world where they can be the best version of themselves.  Places that aren’t jail.

He needs ongoing support.  His executive functioning isn’t what the average person has, and he needs an external subconscious telling him to think about what he is doing.  To reconsider the actions he is undertaking.  This is done with staff support.

Don’t give up on me.

It’s not free.  It’s not cheap.  But for his world, it will be infinitely better than being in jail.  In jail, he will be even more vulnerable to the influences of more “powerful forces and people” who would take advantage of him.  He desperately wants friends, even though he really doesn’t understand the concept.  The people he calls his friends are not good for him, and influence him to do things that are wrong.  Support staff can help with that.

I could see David being a video game tester.  He could be very successful at that, and he would never have to leave his house to do it.  Success for David will look very different from what his peers will experience.  And you know what?

That’s okay.  Nothing wrong with that.

So David.  I say this to you.

We won’t give up on you.  Don’t you give up on you either.

Compliance – Continued Medication Issues

Compliance – Continued Medication Issues We are in week two of David’s not getting his medication as prescribed.  Thus, he is out of compliance, though it appears to be a systems issue.  Today, I contacted the detention unit, asked to speak to the medical person, and was transferred to him. When I asked what the… Continue Reading

A complete lack of communication – Medication Issue

Complete lack of communication – Medication Issue How hard is it?  David has six prescriptions.  Two medications are available over the counter – the others aren’t.  Since the staff at the juvenile detention center where David is currently being housed had an issue with his originally supplied medication, we supplied them with all new prescriptions… Continue Reading

The unfinished quilt top: unraveling threads

Unfinished quilt tops. Loose fabric, pieced together.  seams resewn to strengthen the final product.  adjustments, another persons eye to style and color.  A work in progress.  I strive to save the lovingly hand stitched aspect of the quilt top while ensuring it won’t fall apart upon the first washing.Life lessons.  Spools of thread. Simple things… Continue Reading

Breaking hearts, practicing tough love with our son

Breaking our hearts to practice tough love with David. He called home for the first time since he was placed in detention.  Full of tears, and a story about how he banished the bad version of himself. Breaking Hearts During the first hearing, he didn’t want to talk to us. During the second, he said… Continue Reading

Second Guesses It’s been a long day, and while my body is tired, I can’t turn off my brain.  See, This is the second time in a month we have had David’s time in the facility extended.  While we both knew it was a possibility, I can’t help but feel that he is being let… Continue Reading

Against Medical Advice

Against Medical Advice. It’s been two years since this happened. Two years ago he was discharged against medical advice,  David was discharged from the facility in another state because the insurance people who create the Certificate of Need decided that he wasn’t making any progress and needed to go home. This week, he will be… Continue Reading

The Hard Decision

I title this post “The Hard Decision” because we have had to make a difficult decision. We made the decision to not bring David home on pass. An expert in David’s disorder has recommended for safety reasons that David not come home. So we have made the decision to refuse passes.  At 15, as much… Continue Reading

Admitting the horror

It has come to our attention that David has admitted to trying to kill animals with his hands, and with chemicals. I don’t fault David for admitting the horror that he has tried.  I don’t fault him for it, it is a symptom of his mental illnesses. Last year he attacked me more than once… Continue Reading

Erasing The Stigma That Comes With Mental Illness

Erasing the Stigma

While it may seem easy for me to say something like “we should not stigmatize the mentally ill for the mental illnesses that they have”, because in reality, the mentally ill have no more control over their illness than someone with a neuropathy, or cancer.  David, for example, didn’t ask to have mental illnesses.  He… Continue Reading