Category Archives: anxiety

The Hard Decision

I title this post “The Hard Decision” because we have had to make a difficult decision.

We made the decision to not bring David home on pass.

An expert in David’s disorder has recommended for safety reasons that David not come home.

So we have made the decision to refuse passes.  At 15, as much as the facility would try to have us believe otherwise, David just doesn’t care.

I doubt that anyone at the facility has any idea just how difficult it is to do something like this.  We have anguished about this decision since the recommendation first came from the doctor.  If David was the only one we were concerned about, it would be a no-brainer to us, and we would bring him home all the time on pass.  But without support at home, we just can’t put everyone at risk that way.

Put aside your fear

We were told to put aside our fear.

My question is this:  How?

How do I forget him trying to beat me with a shovel?  When will I forget him trying to crash the vehicle we were driving in because he was angry?  How do I forget that he admittedly tried to kill our family pets, and those of his respite provider?

Can you forget? 

I don’t honestly know what is going to happen when he is discharged.  We are working on a plan of some kind, but I can’t share that here yet.

It’s not a simple thing to say no to a loved one, especially over the holidays, when we are all about family.

It is also incredibly easy for the facility to blame his behaviors on us not bringing him home on pass.  If only that was the whole reason for him to behave this way.  If that was the answer, don’t you think we would bend over backwards to keep him out of care?

We did that for the first 10 years of his life. For us, it’s a multifaceted reason.  His mental health, his disability, my health, the mental health of the rest of the family, and so much more.  Putting ideas into his head will not help him get better.

Where will you be?

I get that it is your job to advocate for him.  What do you think my role is?  We are both working toward the same goal, but remember, long after you have left the team, I will still be his father.  I will still be fighting for him and what is best for him.  Where will you be?

Anxiety high, as we near discharge for David

Anxiety In a little more than a month, David will return from his fifth placement in six years.  As a result, we are on edge.  Anxiety in people who are already in a heightened state of upset is not good.  We are told that things will be different this time. By the admissions of the… Continue Reading

Destroying Success – please pray that we aren’t

I title this post “Destroying Success” for a simple fact. David has been in facility based care before.  He has been discharged from such a care to home three times out of the 5 placements he has had.  Each time home has resulted in behaviors so volatile that he experiences frequent trips to the mental… Continue Reading

Admitting the horror

It has come to our attention that David has admitted to trying to kill animals with his hands, and with chemicals. I don’t fault David for admitting the horror that he has tried.  I don’t fault him for it, it is a symptom of his mental illnesses. Last year he attacked me more than once… Continue Reading

I Guess That’s My Cue

I don’t write about anyone in the family except David, unless I am writing about things he has done to his siblings.  Today, I am writing about my son…  let’s call him George. George has Asperger’s Syndrome, which falls in the Autism Spectrum Disorder list.  He does really well. Earlier this year, he brought up… Continue Reading

The reality

The reality. Until David actually hits me with that shovel, there isn’t a whole lot that we can do for him.  For the family. I have to know that I can defend my family from him. A number of different psychiatrists at a number of different facilities, have stated that he needs long term care.… Continue Reading

when it rains, it pours

Ah, the old cliche.  When it rains, it pours. Did you know that this phrase hearkens back to an advertisement from the Morton Salt company? This evening, when Mom called to let us know that she was on her way home from work, David started acting up. I now know why. See, he stole an… Continue Reading