Category Archives: family choices

the value in flaws of the mind

I talk regularly about David’s mental health.  Flaws isn’t a good word for the way he is, or why he is the way he is.

Even though most days I am flummoxed by what to do with his behaviors, his mind has value.

Every mind has value.  Why?

With David, it is the simple things.  When he wants to be helpful, regardless of the reason, you can’t find a better helper.  If one of the pets is upset, he calms them down.  He can calm pets for other people, especially cats, including one that is especially standoffish to anyone except her owner.  He has a wicked sense of humor.  He can hear conversations from 30 feet away, even if they don’t concern him. He is a voracious reader.  A technology wizard.

Every mind has value, there is a purpose for everything that is in the world.  Sometimes we wonder at the reason for creating the issues that David has in the way that he has them, but there must be a reason.  Ours is not to reason why.

It would be altruistic of me to say that David will achieve something great one day.  In fact, I could easily see him in a prison setting.  I have to believe that he is a part of our family for a reason.  To give voice to the cause of mental illness.  To give voice to special needs children in foster care.  To give voice to those kids looking for forever homes in spite of their special need.

As a family we feel the impact of having David in our lives.  It isn’t always positive, and quite literally, most days are pretty awful.  Yet we persevere.  As a family we continue to work to get him the help and services that he needs to be the successful person that we believe that he can be.  Our other children are prime examples of the helpful and caring people we had always hoped to raise.  Our other children know empathy and as a result are more understanding of people with special needs.  Dare I say that they are more tolerant?  I am not sure.

It took David to open my eyes to the possibilities of helping others.  For that, I offer David my thanks.  I also offer my thanks to our other children, college age or not.  They each know who they are.  David has taught each of us a lesson that we should be forever thankful to have had the opportunity to learn.

nights like this

I have to wonder… “Is this behavior that of a 13 year old boy, or his mental health?” See our other two boys didn’t give us all the sass, back talk, attitude and behaviors.  Or maybe I just don’t remember the behaviors because we were so busy dealing with David’s issues. Not sure if that… Continue Reading

It’s not our fault.

Most of my readers know me from facebook.  I am in a number of groups there, and while I would love to list them all here, it would break some aspects of confidentiality for me to do so. What I see most often in the groups that I am a part of is:  “part of… Continue Reading

Just say No to Black Friday

I don’t know.  It seems to me that we are losing something in the holiday season.  I remember as a kid, not having the most expensive toys, not having all of the latest toys and not having my mom or dad in traction because they ventured into the madness that is known as Black Friday.… Continue Reading

working on non-profit status

We have been mostly quiet here at Why Not Fathers.  Rest assured things have been busy. Currently we are working on incorporating Why Not Fathers as a non-profit.  We are hoping that this will open up opportunities for speaking and further engagement. Potential speaking engagements include the following topics: fatherhood adoption – both as a… Continue Reading

travelling to see David, a sadness.

We live on the great plains of our country.  Northern Great Plains.  we are about 550 miles from the residential facility where David lives. I wish we had train service between here and there.  The nearest depot to his residence is like 5 hours. the last Amtrak went into Billings, MT in 1979.  With the… Continue Reading

a note to my daughter, as she graduates…

As you graduate from high school, and transition to college, I just wanted to say a few things. 1)  Treasure the memories that you have made.  Discard the ones that you don’t like, but never forget the lessons they have taught you. 2)  Friends will be with you.  Along the way, you will make new… Continue Reading

Fantastic Family Visit

Well, Sunday we had the whole family up to visit David. All of the kids were there, as well as Mom and I. We spent the period watching Finding Nemo, and playing games.  All in all, I count it as a major success.  No meltdowns, no tantrums.  I wish they all went so well. Tweet… Continue Reading

Hello, it’s me again.

It is 5am.  I can’t sleep. Later today the whole family is going to visit David.  Can we say I feel a little angst about this? Yes we can. See, we have more than one child with emotional needs.  More than one child with an Autism diagnosis.  More than one child with feelings of angst,… Continue Reading

Can a marriage survive a special needs child?

How about a family that has more than one child with special needs? While I can’t speak for every family, I would say that a marriage can survive, but… always a but.. There has to be communication. What follows is my 10 point list for marriage with special needs kids in the family. Communication Private… Continue Reading