Category Archives: family stress

Against Medical Advice

Against Medical Advice.

It’s been two years since this happened. Two years ago he was discharged against medical advice, 

The only thing bad about mental health is the way we treat those who have mental illness.

David was discharged from the facility in another state because the insurance people who create the Certificate of Need decided that he wasn’t making any progress and needed to go home.

This week, he will be discharged from a different facility.  Not because of the Certificate of Need.  But because the facility says he doesn’t need support and should be sent home.  How can David continue to see the successes he has seen in care if he comes home to no support?  Even David recognizes that he needs support.

I don’t understand how so few can over power the recommendations of so many doctors.

Bad Parent

I am a bad parent.  It’s a title my wife and I wear with honor.

What makes us bad parents?  We are fighting for the 24/7 supports that 3/4 medical professionals say he needs.  The people who provide said supports and the funding to pay for them have chosen to listen to the one psychologist who says he doesn’t need support.  It’s not easy for us to fight to keep OUR SON in care.  But we will fight for the care he needs.

So we are looking at a discharge against medical advice.

How we treat the mentally ill

Now, I am going to make a general statement.  If David had cancer and I decided to pull him out against medical advice, I would be facing the fight of my life and his to make that happen.  There would be no question about it.  So.  Why is mental illness treated differently?  David doesn’t have cancer.  He does have mental illness.  I am not saying it’s worse than cancer.  I am saying that like cancer, mental illness needs appropriate treatment by qualified personnel.

The future

In the end we are left with few options.  David will come home.  Things will be good for a week or two or six.  Then his world will fall in on itself and we will be right back where he was two years ago.  Violent. Stealing. Aggressive. Narcissistic.  David will be 16 this summer.  Some of the things he has tried and done in the past could land him in adult court.  Prison is no place to get mental health care.


the value in flaws of the mind

I talk regularly about David’s mental health.  Flaws isn’t a good word for the way he is, or why he is the way he is. Even though most days I am flummoxed by what to do with his behaviors, his mind has value. Every mind has value.  Why? With David, it is the simple things. … Continue Reading

hmmm Toby you smell bad

Toby is our Pomeranian.  David decided that since Toby hadn’t had a haircut and bath recently that he would deodorize him.  So he sprayed him with a Lysol type spray. So far the dog hasn’t gotten sick. And he did get a bath and hair cut this past weekend. We have explained before that he… Continue Reading

nights like this

I have to wonder… “Is this behavior that of a 13 year old boy, or his mental health?” See our other two boys didn’t give us all the sass, back talk, attitude and behaviors.  Or maybe I just don’t remember the behaviors because we were so busy dealing with David’s issues. Not sure if that… Continue Reading

It’s not our fault.

Most of my readers know me from facebook.  I am in a number of groups there, and while I would love to list them all here, it would break some aspects of confidentiality for me to do so. What I see most often in the groups that I am a part of is:  “part of… Continue Reading

working on non-profit status

We have been mostly quiet here at Why Not Fathers.  Rest assured things have been busy. Currently we are working on incorporating Why Not Fathers as a non-profit.  We are hoping that this will open up opportunities for speaking and further engagement. Potential speaking engagements include the following topics: fatherhood adoption – both as a… Continue Reading

Fantastic Family Visit

Well, Sunday we had the whole family up to visit David. All of the kids were there, as well as Mom and I. We spent the period watching Finding Nemo, and playing games.  All in all, I count it as a major success.  No meltdowns, no tantrums.  I wish they all went so well. Tweet… Continue Reading

Hello, it’s me again.

It is 5am.  I can’t sleep. Later today the whole family is going to visit David.  Can we say I feel a little angst about this? Yes we can. See, we have more than one child with emotional needs.  More than one child with an Autism diagnosis.  More than one child with feelings of angst,… Continue Reading

Can a marriage survive a special needs child?

How about a family that has more than one child with special needs? While I can’t speak for every family, I would say that a marriage can survive, but… always a but.. There has to be communication. What follows is my 10 point list for marriage with special needs kids in the family. Communication Private… Continue Reading

Causal Leadership Summit

Last week, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend a seminar called “Summit on Causal Leadership.” It was an incredible experience to be in a setting with agencies, both state and non-profit, talking about leadership.  Not just any type of leadership, but leadership that helps achieve goals for kids with special healthcare needs. I… Continue Reading