Category Archives: abuse

No Services Required – CPS Investigation Results

This week, I learned the results of the latest Child and Protective Services (CPS) investigation.

Because of allegations made by David, we believe he was attempting to manipulate the system to get to live where he wants rather than at home, there was a complaint made against me.  The complaint said that I “was exploiting my son, that I threw him to the sidewalk, that I hugged him too much, as well as told him “I love you”,  and that I was antagonizing him to provoke a response.”  I wrote about it when I first learned of the investigation.  Remember?  There was an investigation before that regarding washing David’s mouth out with soap.

Initially when the complaint in October came out, I met with a detective from the Sheriff’s office.  From that meeting, I stated that I would change my son’s name to David for the purposes of this blog.  That the whole purpose of writing was to get help for him, and to raise awareness about the mental health care in our state.  At that point, I thought that the whole thing was over.  Evidently the Sheriff was a separate investigation because CPS called and arranged to meet me.

Now, I have no idea for certain who made the complaint, though I do have a pretty good idea.  These are the people we turned to for help when David was threatening to kill me.  People who told us that we weren’t doing enough at home to help him.

See, when someone files a complaint, as required by law, the complainant remains anonymous.  In a court of law, I have the right to face my accuser, but not in the court of Child and Protective Services.  I understand why that is. I understand the need for mandatory reporters.

I don’t envy the job of the investigators who work in that department.  Seriously.  The things they must see.

Anyway, we met with the investigator more than 10 days ago.  We were told that my case would be staffed 8 days ago, and that I would hear back from them on Monday, this week, whether or not services were required.  If services were required, I would then be placed on a list of people who abuse and/or neglect children.  I would be on that list for a period of 10 years.  I could appeal the decision.  If I had been on that list, I wouldn’t be able to work with or around children for that whole period.

Any way.  Monday came and went with no call.  Tuesday came and went with no call.  Wednesday, I called their office and asked about the decision.  I was told “I was just getting ready to call you, it was determined that no services were required, though we recommend that you not use pressure point holds on your son.”    They further went on to state that they would send out a letter regarding this investigation, that the results would be on file for a period, and that they would include recommendations on things to do instead of the pressure point holds.  I use the pressure point holds when I felt that David was becoming violent or aggressive.  I never used them for longer than necessary to calm the situation.  Usually seconds, in which case he would drop whatever he was holding in his hand that could potentially be used as a weapon.

I have not received the letter yet.  I imagine it will get here in the next ten days.

Investigators, if you say that you are going to call on a certain date to inform someone of the results of the investigation, please, make every effort to do so, or have someone from your office do it for you.  I should have been able to get the results of your investigation the day that your agency made the decision that services weren’t required.

I get that your job is difficult.

You know what?  So is parenting a child like David.

Part of me feels like I should just be thankful that this investigation is over.

On the other hand, I feel like I have been targeted or harassed because I speak out against what I see are injustices in the mental health care system.  If you don’t like what I write, don’t read it.  If I am inaccurate in what I write, let me know the inaccuracies, the corrections you believe should be made, and I will look into it.  This part of me also wonders, “how long before they bring more allegations against me?  or his mom?”

Don’t make me feel like a failure because the system fails the mentally ill more than it helps them.  Help me change the system so this blog is no longer needed to raise awareness of the injustices of the current system.

I would love to never write another word about the mental health issues as they are.  I would love to write about parenting issues of another type entirely.  Like what to cook for dinner, or how to clean pet stains out of a rug.

I find it incredibly sad that there are people in this world who make an agency like CPS necessary.  See, as a kid, I was abused.  And I swore that I would never do that to my kids.  And I haven’t.  No child deserves to live in fear.

I don’t know.  Maybe I just don’t understand David’s fear.  A fear that makes him express so much hatred toward his family.  Such is the world of the child with Reactive Attachment Disorder.  It isn’t enough that we love him and call him our son.  I never claimed that we were the perfect parents.  Many times over the life of this blog, and our son’s life we have asked for help.

wishes and dreams

I dream of a time when we don’t have to worry about him as much as we do.  Granted as a parent, part of us will always worry about our kids, but when you have a child like David, it is increased ten fold, a hundred fold. Today he came home from the mental health… Continue Reading

Friday discharge

I noticed some tenderness Monday and Tuesday on my right side rib cage.  So today I went to the clinic. I have bruised muscles/ribs on that side.  Happened Sunday evening during the fracas with David. Lovely.  Plus, my blood pressure is elevated.  (I have experienced heart events in the past). On the other side of… Continue Reading

every day. a struggle

I am exhausted.  Mentally. he will push until I respond.  when I refuse to acknowledge him, he pushes harder. When I snap and yell at him, he is happy.  Then he says, why are you yelling?  You shouldn’t yell like that dad, it’s not healthy. So I tell him to sit and eat. No.  Not… Continue Reading

a brand new day

Today is a brand new day for David. This morning, he was complaining of being stiff and sore.  So I talked about the work that his muscles did to support his body yesterday while he was manic.   He said he doesn’t like it. In talking with David today, I learned that he was upset that… Continue Reading

Thoughts – control – arguments and what not

I have been torn.  Since David has come home, we have had quite a few good days.  The bad days, holy.  It is trying on the whole family when they happen. So I am going to take a page from another parent of a child a lot like David. No confrontations.  If he is spoiling… Continue Reading

I don’t understand

Something struck me this morning.  My son was in a psychiatric facility for more than a year. He was discharged when Medicaid decided to stop funding his care. No transition plan was in place the day my son was released to our care. We have made the best of the last two weeks and I… Continue Reading

It’s not our fault.

Most of my readers know me from facebook.  I am in a number of groups there, and while I would love to list them all here, it would break some aspects of confidentiality for me to do so. What I see most often in the groups that I am a part of is:  “part of… Continue Reading

update – positive news

Staff called tonight. David was in a good place to talk to me tonight.  When he is manic, it just isn’t a good idea.   David addressed his concerns. Doesn’t want to be there for another 6 months to a year. Thinks that he is being lied to. Doesn’t understand why we aren’t coming out… Continue Reading

2014 New Resolutions

I don’t normally make resolutions, but thought I would document some of my thoughts on what the new year might bring. Explore all possibilities for returning our son to his home state. Explore ways to limit the pain my family is going through while dealing with mental illness of our son. Advocate for the other… Continue Reading


Fatal error: Allowed memory size of 67108864 bytes exhausted (tried to allocate 786432 bytes) in /home/clntfctr/public_html/whynotfathers.com/wp-content/plugins/jetpack/locales.php on line 2149