Category Archives: paranoia

Admitting the horror

It has come to our attention that David has admitted to trying to kill animals with his hands, and with chemicals. I don’t fault David for admitting the horror that he has tried.  I don’t fault him for it, it is a symptom of his mental illnesses.

Last year he attacked me more than once and tried to crash our vehicle when we were doing a transport of him to the mental health unit at the hospital.  Given that he has admitted these things, and our family has experienced the things that we have from him, why would I just bring him home?

He is my son.  And I love him.  But.

But he is not the only person to take into consideration.  Would it not be considered neglect or abuse to subject the rest of the family to a threat of harm from David?  He has shown the propensity to attack in the past, I don’t think for a minute that he is cured either minimally or substantially.

I can’t.  I will argue long and hard to keep him in  care.  As much as reunification should happen, without the support he is receiving in the facility, at home, I just think that this will be a setback for the whole family, most of all it will be a setback for David.  How is that fair?  Granted, life isn’t fair.

This isn’t the first time that I have thought this.  The thought that discharge home would be a setback.  I have thought that a number of times over the last 6 years.

So where does this leave us?  Potentially, his mom’s teaching license could be in jeopardy.  If we are charged with abandonment or something like that for not bringing him home, it could jeopardize her license.  On the other hand, David’s story telling about things that he hears and then internalizes as something that happened in our home could be detrimental as well.

An argument could be made that he was telling stories about trying to kill dogs and rabbits, if not for the fact that people have made allegations about him trying to kill their animals before.  Plus, we had long known that he tried to poison our dogs, but could never get him to admit it.

It scares me what the future means for David.  How do we as a family get past this fear or horror and bring this child we love back home?  Is it even possible?  It goes beyond the needs of one child.

I was leery about writing about his admission regarding the animals and his attempts to kill them.  We do not know if he has ever been successful in doing so.  In the end, I decided that awareness of mental health and the issues that families face was more important.

We are begging for help.  In the coming week, I will have the opportunity to speak with our state legislature’s Interim Human Services Committee.  I hope that they listen.


Back in the Hospital – was – The Dilemma – What to do with David

This has been something of a roller coaster week. I was in Indianapolis for the National Disability Rights Network annual conference.  Some fantastic networking opportunities.  A lot of great information, fabulous food and weather. At home, David was busy doing what David does. At the top of the list? He forged a check. He was… Continue Reading

Five days in May

So, insurance has said we have five days.  That means on Friday he could be discharged. How frustrated am I? The safety of my family is of utmost importance.  That includes David. The social worker told me that this is what happens in acute care cases. I’d like them to define acute care. Tweet #fighting4answrs Continue Reading

A new fear – Talking with dead friends

Last night was scary.  Not sure what happened exactly, but David is back in the hospital. At 8pm, with his bedtime medicines he gets a snack.  He wanted oatmeal, instead I gave him a granola bar. He said that he would hurt me if I didn’t give him the right snack.  He made a move… Continue Reading

I am bored and this is fun.

Today, I had the rare opportunity to have a frank talk with David.  We talked about everything from sunshine to cats.  We talked about his favorite movie, Heaven is for Real. We talked about dogs, rain, basketball (though I am by no means knowledgeable) and we talked behaviors. We talked about how he likes being… Continue Reading

some lessons need to be learned…

Some lessons need to be learned the hard way I guess. At breakfast David was in his usual mood.   I always get irritated when the he puts an empty cereal container back in the cupboard.  I told him that it bugs me. “But dad, there is cereal still in there!”  he said. So I shook… Continue Reading

hmmm Toby you smell bad

Toby is our Pomeranian.  David decided that since Toby hadn’t had a haircut and bath recently that he would deodorize him.  So he sprayed him with a Lysol type spray. So far the dog hasn’t gotten sick. And he did get a bath and hair cut this past weekend. We have explained before that he… Continue Reading

the storyteller

David is gifted. Gifted at telling stories, then when caught in a lie, he is gifted at changing the story to suit what ever is going on in his head. When caught in a lie, he will turn and twist the story enough to make the listener doubt what they heard. If this happens, you… Continue Reading

Held Hostage by Mental Illness

Some days, I feel like a hostage in my own home. Held hostage by mental illness.  Seriously.  David had a couple of really good days.  Mom took him into the city, he spent time with his favorite Aunt.  Life was good for him. Then there are days like today.  If it isn’t his way, then… Continue Reading