Category Archives: Reactive Attachment Disorder

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Don’t give up on me.

With those few words, “Don’t give up on me.” David ended our phone call tonight.

Dad, don’t give up on me.

I assure him each time that I won’t.  He is our son and will always be our son.  See today he admitted to assaulting his mom.  If he had been adult, he would have been guilty of a felony.

Look closely, this is not what people with developmental disabilities should go through

As it is, he is in a detention center where he has been since March 27th.  On Friday he will move to what is called a safe bed, which will allow him a bit more freedom, as well as a chance to get back on his medication.  (why the detention center for youth doesn’t give him his medications like they are prescribed is a fight for another day).  Then next Tuesday, he will be moving to a Youth Home in another city.

See.  For the longest time, we (his whole team) has referred to his condition as a mental illness.  And really, it’s more than that.

It’s a developmental disability.  His brain was harmed during development.  There is no “cure” for that.  There is maintenance and long term support. His condition is known as FASD  (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder)  it’s a condition visited upon him by his birth mom.  Because she chose to do drugs and drink while she was pregnant.  He went through withdrawals immediately after birth.

So with the upcoming placement we are hoping that he will get support.  That he will again stabilize and become the best version of himself that he can be.  He knows his brain is different.

Seeing him locked in the detention center has been difficult.  To have him in waist chains and handcuffs is very difficult to see.  This is not where he needs to be.  In truth, there isn’t really a place for the kids like him, kids who will grow into adulthood without a place in their world where they can be the best version of themselves.  Places that aren’t jail.

He needs ongoing support.  His executive functioning isn’t what the average person has, and he needs an external subconscious telling him to think about what he is doing.  To reconsider the actions he is undertaking.  This is done with staff support.

Don’t give up on me.

It’s not free.  It’s not cheap.  But for his world, it will be infinitely better than being in jail.  In jail, he will be even more vulnerable to the influences of more “powerful forces and people” who would take advantage of him.  He desperately wants friends, even though he really doesn’t understand the concept.  The people he calls his friends are not good for him, and influence him to do things that are wrong.  Support staff can help with that.

I could see David being a video game tester.  He could be very successful at that, and he would never have to leave his house to do it.  Success for David will look very different from what his peers will experience.  And you know what?

That’s okay.  Nothing wrong with that.

So David.  I say this to you.

We won’t give up on you.  Don’t you give up on you either.

He is not a yo-yo

He is not a yo-yo. You know that right? Yesterday he was granted an extension on his stay in the facility.  This was done so that we could apply for therapeutic foster care. Today, I guess that we were denied, though I am not entirely sure.  What I do know is that I was told… Continue Reading

Second Guesses It’s been a long day, and while my body is tired, I can’t turn off my brain.  See, This is the second time in a month we have had David’s time in the facility extended.  While we both knew it was a possibility, I can’t help but feel that he is being let… Continue Reading

Less than 24 hours and a wake up

Less than 24 hours and a wake up from now, barring some intervention, David will be home. He will come home from a supported environment where he has constant supervision, consistent support, and success in school, to home. Home where we can’t recreate the level of support he has now. Where we will live on… Continue Reading

Safety, a blanket I want to wrap around my family.

Safety. the website dictionary.com defines safety as: noun, plural safeties. 1. the state of being safe; freedom from the occurrence or risk of injury, danger, or loss. 2. the quality of averting or not causing injury, danger, or loss. 3. a contrivance or device to prevent injury or avert danger. This weekend we are bringing… Continue Reading

Taking a Chance on Faith

Taking a Chance on Faith

With a lot of prayer, we are going to try a visit away from the safety and comfort that being in close proximity to the facility provides us.  This is about taking a chance. We are going to take a chance on faith that he is stable.  This weekend, we are going to travel to… Continue Reading

wishes and dreams

I dream of a time when we don’t have to worry about him as much as we do.  Granted as a parent, part of us will always worry about our kids, but when you have a child like David, it is increased ten fold, a hundred fold. Today he came home from the mental health… Continue Reading

the next few days are going to be fun!

Well, big sister stopped by with a friend for a couple of minutes.  They didn’t stay long, as David was in tantrum mode. You see, mom got the bandages removed today, and we just can’t have someone else get more attention than he is getting. So big sister and friend turned around and left.  I… Continue Reading

Visited David tonight

Visited David today.  He changed his story about my weed eater 3 times. So now we have a possible location for it. He got mom so frustrated that she moved away from the table.  Everything is blamed on some one else. His forging of the check happened because we don’t give him an allowance.  Never… Continue Reading

Honest emotion

I cried today. I cried while mowing my lawn.  Mowing gives you time to think.  The drone of the mower is perfect for masking thoughts, for allowing them a fertile breeding ground. I cried for David.  For the little boy who wants so desperately to be loved, yet pushes away and punishes those who love… Continue Reading