Category Archives: Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)

Don’t give up on me.

With those few words, “Don’t give up on me.” David ended our phone call tonight.

Dad, don’t give up on me.

I assure him each time that I won’t.  He is our son and will always be our son.  See today he admitted to assaulting his mom.  If he had been adult, he would have been guilty of a felony.

Look closely, this is not what people with developmental disabilities should go through

As it is, he is in a detention center where he has been since March 27th.  On Friday he will move to what is called a safe bed, which will allow him a bit more freedom, as well as a chance to get back on his medication.  (why the detention center for youth doesn’t give him his medications like they are prescribed is a fight for another day).  Then next Tuesday, he will be moving to a Youth Home in another city.

See.  For the longest time, we (his whole team) has referred to his condition as a mental illness.  And really, it’s more than that.

It’s a developmental disability.  His brain was harmed during development.  There is no “cure” for that.  There is maintenance and long term support. His condition is known as FASD  (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder)  it’s a condition visited upon him by his birth mom.  Because she chose to do drugs and drink while she was pregnant.  He went through withdrawals immediately after birth.

So with the upcoming placement we are hoping that he will get support.  That he will again stabilize and become the best version of himself that he can be.  He knows his brain is different.

Seeing him locked in the detention center has been difficult.  To have him in waist chains and handcuffs is very difficult to see.  This is not where he needs to be.  In truth, there isn’t really a place for the kids like him, kids who will grow into adulthood without a place in their world where they can be the best version of themselves.  Places that aren’t jail.

He needs ongoing support.  His executive functioning isn’t what the average person has, and he needs an external subconscious telling him to think about what he is doing.  To reconsider the actions he is undertaking.  This is done with staff support.

Don’t give up on me.

It’s not free.  It’s not cheap.  But for his world, it will be infinitely better than being in jail.  In jail, he will be even more vulnerable to the influences of more “powerful forces and people” who would take advantage of him.  He desperately wants friends, even though he really doesn’t understand the concept.  The people he calls his friends are not good for him, and influence him to do things that are wrong.  Support staff can help with that.

I could see David being a video game tester.  He could be very successful at that, and he would never have to leave his house to do it.  Success for David will look very different from what his peers will experience.  And you know what?

That’s okay.  Nothing wrong with that.

So David.  I say this to you.

We won’t give up on you.  Don’t you give up on you either.

At a loss, with tears rolling.

Dad’s are supposed to be able to fix things. I can’t fix this. I can’t undo the damage caused by a selfish woman who did not think of her unborn child when she proceeded to get herself loaded up on drugs. Continue Reading

It’s not our fault.

Most of my readers know me from facebook.  I am in a number of groups there, and while I would love to list them all here, it would break some aspects of confidentiality for me to do so. What I see most often in the groups that I am a part of is:  “part of… Continue Reading

update – positive news

Staff called tonight. David was in a good place to talk to me tonight.  When he is manic, it just isn’t a good idea.   David addressed his concerns. Doesn’t want to be there for another 6 months to a year. Thinks that he is being lied to. Doesn’t understand why we aren’t coming out… Continue Reading

My pain today

My pain tonight comes not from my body, road weary and tired of travel.   It doesn’t come from the connective tissue illness with which I have long lived. It comes from saying good bye to David. From leaving him behind in a far off place to be cared for by others. My heart knows… Continue Reading

Conversations with David

David called today.  wanting to know what he could do to complete his treatment. So I began explaining it to him. He needs to work his treatment plan.  He needs to be safe. He needs to eat what he is fed and not refuse meals. The thing to remember with David, is that he remembers… Continue Reading

a setup for failure?

There hasn’t been much to report in regards to David.  He has been doing well, and by all reports is working his program.  Yesterday we had an IEP for him in the morning, and then his monthly treatment plan meeting in the afternoon.  At the second meeting, David indicated that he had reached the next… Continue Reading

monthly staffing report – Good Stuff

Today we had our monthly update conference call for David. When he left his previous placement he was struggling with some subjects.  Not sure if the standards are different in the new facility, but they report that he has a C average in all of his classes. He is not doing remedial work.  He is… Continue Reading

Ah David. Good to see the little guy

Would I really travel for 12 hours just to see him for 2 hours?  Yes I would.  Whenever the opportunity arises, you will find me on the road to see David. Had a really good visit.  He was overly concerned about death though.  Wanted to know what would happen to him if his mom and… Continue Reading

A visit to David

Today, I am traveling out to see David. So excited to see the little man.  It has been a month since we placed him out there. Tweet #fighting4answrs Continue Reading