Category Archives: Lupus

Happy One Year Placement Anniversary David

honesty doesnt make us bad parentsIronically, the day after we receive notice of denial of coverage of services for our son, is the anniversary of his placement at the current facility.  It has been one year since we placed David in a facility 500 miles from home.

Today, I am struggling with the stress of not knowing where we are at with my youngest son’s mental health treatment.  The denial of continued care is weighing heavily on my mind, and it will be Tuesday before I can file any appeals.

He deserves better than this from the system that is responsible in part for his care.  When we adopted him, he was ordered by the court to have complete state sponsored medical coverage until he turns 18.  This is Medicaid.

It isn’t safe for anyone for him to come home.  Even the staff that works with him day to day has said that.  A month ago, he was self-harming.  Cutting, and after they took the sharps away from him, he inserted his fingers into the wound on his knee and started pulling on it to make the wound larger.  Initially, he wouldn’t have needed stitches. The manic behaviours that he displays, the ceaseless energy – coupled with what changing facilities would do to his treatment plan… now is not the time for change.

As a father, I want to fix it and make it better.  I can’t do that, and while it isn’t my fault that the system is broken, I feel like a failure for not providing direct care for him.

Yesterday marks one year since he began his placement in the current facility.  The next closest facility that could take him if necessary is 700 miles away from our home, in Denver.  Like I said in a previous post, how does moving him further from family help him?

I am not looking for a debate about the ACA. I know what it is and isn’t doing for the people I know. It works for some, and doesn’t work for others.

About a month ago, I wrote a post “It’s not our fault.”  I guess I should go and read that one again.

I have this book that I am working through.  “Getting Your Joy Back” – I am going to read through parts of it again.  Need to find my joy.  And know in my heart that we are doing everything that we can for him.

upcoming visit to see our son for Christmas

Today, I leave for the community where our son is in a residential facility. It is 500 miles each way.  10 hours by bus.  When you have an auto-immune illness the trip takes twice as long. Frequent breaks are needed.  Lots of rest periods.  If I drive, I take it in two days with a… Continue Reading

working on non-profit status

We have been mostly quiet here at Why Not Fathers.  Rest assured things have been busy. Currently we are working on incorporating Why Not Fathers as a non-profit.  We are hoping that this will open up opportunities for speaking and further engagement. Potential speaking engagements include the following topics: fatherhood adoption – both as a… Continue Reading

A week of illness and other stuff.

It has been a rough week since graduation for our oldest. David has been in full form, so nothing new there.  On the other hand, I have decided to try to decrease the tension between the school and our family so that we can ease David back into public school.  Constant tension on both sides… Continue Reading

Lupus Awareness Month – Your friend – Malar Rash

Greetings from the desk of me. As part of Lupus Awareness month, I thought I would talk about my good friend Malar Rash.  You may know her.  Now some might say that guys don’t have to live with Malar Rash.  I am here to tell you differently. What exactly is the Malar Rash?  She is… Continue Reading

Stress, Chronic Illnesses, and an apology

So, I have two chronic illnesses and hypothyroidism.  The illnesses are Systemic Lupus and Fibromyalgia.  Both of which react negatively in their own way to stress.  What does this mean? It means that I am sick.  My body sees itself as an invader and is trying to kill itself off.  I am on some serious… Continue Reading