Tag Archives: adoption

The unfinished quilt top: unraveling threads

Unfinished quilt tops.

Loose fabric, pieced together.  seams resewn to strengthen the final product.  adjustments, another persons eye to style and color.  A work in progress. 

I have been told, I have broad shoulders to carry the burden of David’s care. To these people I say:  I am just a dad.  A sewer, striving to finish his quilt.  That is all, nothing more.

I strive to save the lovingly hand stitched aspect of the quilt top while ensuring it won’t fall apart upon the first washing.Life lessons.  Spools of thread.

Simple things the second.  Complex thoughts on the first.

I was thinking about a sewing project I have been trying to find time to work on.  I am finishing a quilt.  I purchased an unfinished quilt top at auction and am working to finish.  Just haven’t been able to make time to sit down and tackle it.  Not to mention the stack of patching, hemming and repairs that are sitting in my sewing area.

In thinking about the similarities between the spool of thread on my sewing machines, and David’s care I am struck by one thing.  It seems like the harder I pull on that small thread, the faster things unravel.  We have built a team of professionals around his needs to allow him to receive the best care possible.  Yet.  I feel like his care is like that unfinished quilt top.

How do I move beyond where we are with his care and onto more productive, and a more supportive care plan that is wrapped around him like a quilt? That doesn’t just protect him from the cold harsh realities of life, but offers a warming protection against those same realities.  Because, truly, right now I would have to agree with a former team member and say that eventually he will just end up in prison.

Prison is not a place to go to get mental health services.

I can talk to people until I lose my voice.  But they really don’t get the struggle that is David’s life.  They don’t get that, much like the needle on my sewing machine, if it breaks, you replace the needle, you don’t throw away the whole machine and start over.  You don’t continue sewing with the same needle, hoping for positive results.

You change the needle.

If it breaks again, then you consider your thread. Or adjust thread tension.

unfinished quilt tops: unraveled threads

If you continue to do the same thing over and over again without adapting to the fabric you are working with, all that you will experience is frustration.

As we strive to move forward with David’s care, we bring together varying professionals, much like fabric scraps used to make a quilt.  Sometimes, one scrap will work better with the rest of the top than another.  Same with professionals.  If one part of the team that is David’s “quilt top” isn’t working, we need to open the seam and change that piece out.

David’s world has unraveled.  We can try to rewind the spool of thread that is his world, rebuild the quilt top with the right pieces, and wrap him with a finished quilt that can support him for a long time to come.

Barriers exist in the mental health system that bar our success in finishing the first quilt.  In a few years, he will be an adult in the eyes of the law, while remaining a preteen mentally and emotionally.  At that point, he will be needing a new quilt.

Ask any quilter or sewer.

A quilt is a work in progress.  Eventually it might be labeled as finished, but throughout it’s life, it will periodically need care.

I have been told, I have broad shoulders to carry the burden of David’s care. To these people I say:  I am just a dad.  A sewer, striving to finish his quilt.  That is all, nothing more.

A sad reality – restraint of a mentally ill child

It’s a sad reality.  Our son David is mentally ill. I know it’s been a while since I last posted.  So much has happened. On Feb 3, as I was driving into the city for a medical appointment, I received a call from the facility where David was. “If you don’t come and get him… Continue Reading

Adoption – Misapplication of the Paintbrush

Adoption. It can be a trigger for negative behavior. Here is a hint.  – Not everyone who is adopted is like my son David.   Not everyone who is adopted has mental health issues. Just because someone is adopted, doesn’t automatically require them to seek psychiatric help. Labeling people for any reason is just not… Continue Reading

For those Dad’s who played a role in my life

    When we adopted our youngest, we did an adoption study. We had to write a bio and answer a ton of questions. Growing up, I had step-dad’s. My brother and I were adopted. Bio-Dad was in prison. Mom doesn’t acknowledge that period of her life. For those Dad’s who played a role in… Continue Reading

Pictures in my mind

Recently a picture that was posted in my Dad Blogger group on facebook triggered a memory from when David was very little.  We didn’t know that he would eventually become our son.  I was holding David, he had fallen asleep.  Before I knew it, I was sleeping.  I woke when he fussed.  It is a… Continue Reading

Believing in the reason of David

As we come up on the 12th anniversary of the finalization of David’s adoption into our family, I look back on our life with him. From the first computer he ever worked on, a Compaq laptop running Windows 2000, to the many sleepless nights. I am struck by one inalienable concept. We were brought into… Continue Reading

Reactive Attachment Disorder

I found this video through a group I belong to on facebook.  It explains so much about children like our son David. Not every adopted child will be afflicted with this disorder, though quite a few are.  I did not create the video.  I don’t claim ownership of the video.  I am merely sharing content… Continue Reading