Tag Archives: DadRT

thoughts for today, tomorrow, the future

keep-talking-about-mental-healthI spent the day on the road fetching our daughter from college.  So a large portion of the day was spent alone with my thoughts.

Sometimes, we can’t see the purpose behind the things that happen in our lives.  I understand that David was dealt a crappy hand from birth.  Through our adoption of David, I have learned so much.  About human nature. About myself.

I don’t think that we set forth a life event with the hopes that it will teach us some hard and fast lessons. We sure didn’t adopt David to learn things.

It comes to mind that the little challenges is what gives life flavor.  You know what I mean?

We knew David was special needs when we adopted him.  At the time, it was simply because he was part of African-American. We didn’t see color, we saw a little boy that we had grown to love and that we wanted to give a forever home to.  Not out of some idealistic vision that we were doing this great and noble thing.  Sure, his birth history was discussed.  We knew about him being born addicted to more drugs than a pharmaceutical company has stock.  At the time, no one could quantify the damage that had been done.

As David grew, things began to happen.  At first it was ADHD.  Then it was hoarding.  Then stealing.  Constant lies.  Violent behaviors.  So many little things.  Through it all one thing remained.  Our love for this little boy.  Never.  and I mean never have we considered the option of terminating the adoption.  I don’t find fault in those that have made the decision to do so.  A family has to make that decision on its own without outside influence.

To the parents considering reversing an adoption I say this.  “Go with your heart.  No one knows what you are going through better than you do, not even me, and I have seen some pretty incredible things in the last 10 years.”

To those who choose to judge parents who reverse an adoption, “don’t judge that which you don’t fully comprehend.”

It is a sad reality that some adoptions are reversed.  These are not bad people for deciding that they need to do a reversal.

In the last 24 hours, I have received thousands of messages of support through the various facebook communities that I am a part of.  You have no idea what it means to me as a human being to see this level of support.

This past year has been full of challenges for David.  I don’t know what 2015 will bring, but I hope that he finds peace, even for a little while.

As I close this series of thoughts, I have decided that things need to change for people with mental illness.  Especially the children.  Every child should have the opportunity to get the care that they need in their home state.  We shouldn’t have to “ship our kids across state lines” like so much extra baggage to get them the help they need.  In North Dakota, where we live, I hope to address this topic next legislative session.  Which starts in two weeks.

My goal is to raise awareness.  Please, if you read my blog, share it with others.  Our beautiful son is not the only child who is struggling with mental illness.  There are others out there.  So please, share my blog with others that we might work together to raise awareness.  Awareness begins with one voice and builds steam from there.  I know quite a few parents who have been fighting for their children for a long time, far longer than we have been fighting for David.  Voice’s get tired.  People get tired.  So let’s rally the troops.

Mental illness encompasses a broad range of things. Each mental illness is important.

Thank you again for your support.  It means the world to my family.  To me.

At a loss, with tears rolling.

Dad’s are supposed to be able to fix things. I can’t fix this. I can’t undo the damage caused by a selfish woman who did not think of her unborn child when she proceeded to get herself loaded up on drugs. Continue Reading

the good stuff

Dear readers, as many of you know through the writings here, David has been in residential placement.  He is on his third major placement and like 10th or 11th minor placement.  Major is facilities where he has stayed for more than 30 days, and minor are all of the others. This past week was a… Continue Reading

the greatest treasure

David turned thirteen years old last Tuesday.  On July 28th, will be 11 years since his adoption was finalized.  How quickly the time goes. For David’s birthday, we went out to the facility he lives in to visit him.  Most of the family went.  We arrived late Monday, spent Tuesday, Wednesday and part of Thursday… Continue Reading

a coming birthday

So David has a birthday coming up.  he will be a teen. In my quest to get Medicaid reinstated, he was given something called a recipient liability. He has a recipient liability because he has an income.  (SSI and an adoption subsidy).  it isn’t more than 900 a month, and the subsidy isn’t his.   anyway. … Continue Reading

a setup for failure?

There hasn’t been much to report in regards to David.  He has been doing well, and by all reports is working his program.  Yesterday we had an IEP for him in the morning, and then his monthly treatment plan meeting in the afternoon.  At the second meeting, David indicated that he had reached the next… Continue Reading

Mark 1:11

I would say this applies to each of my kids.  But David, has needs beyond what our other kids do. Reports for David have been great thus far at the new facility.  Does this mean that he is cured? No. Do I expect a cure? No. What I expect is for professionals to work with… Continue Reading

monthly staffing report – Good Stuff

Today we had our monthly update conference call for David. When he left his previous placement he was struggling with some subjects.  Not sure if the standards are different in the new facility, but they report that he has a C average in all of his classes. He is not doing remedial work.  He is… Continue Reading

Ah David. Good to see the little guy

Would I really travel for 12 hours just to see him for 2 hours?  Yes I would.  Whenever the opportunity arises, you will find me on the road to see David. Had a really good visit.  He was overly concerned about death though.  Wanted to know what would happen to him if his mom and… Continue Reading

what is David like?

In a lot of ways this could be David.  In some ways, I think David is worse.  In other ways, David could be better.  I haven’t been able to find a better example. I would welcome a conversation with the people who do these news stories. The problems we have in this country with Mental… Continue Reading