Dictionary.com defines it as:
- assets ).
Dictionary.com defines it as:
- assets ).
This week, I learned the results of the latest Child and Protective Services (CPS) investigation.
Because of allegations made by David, we believe he was attempting to manipulate the system to get to live where he wants rather than at home, there was a complaint made against me. The complaint said that I “was exploiting my son, that I threw him to the sidewalk, that I hugged him too much, as well as told him “I love you”, and that I was antagonizing him to provoke a response.” I wrote about it when I first learned of the investigation. Remember? There was an investigation before that regarding washing David’s mouth out with soap.
Initially when the complaint in October came out, I met with a detective from the Sheriff’s office. From that meeting, I stated that I would change my son’s name to David for the purposes of this blog. That the whole purpose of writing was to get help for him, and to raise awareness about the mental health care in our state. At that point, I thought that the whole thing was over. Evidently the Sheriff was a separate investigation because CPS called and arranged to meet me.
Now, I have no idea for certain who made the complaint, though I do have a pretty good idea. These are the people we turned to for help when David was threatening to kill me. People who told us that we weren’t doing enough at home to help him.
See, when someone files a complaint, as required by law, the complainant remains anonymous. In a court of law, I have the right to face my accuser, but not in the court of Child and Protective Services. I understand why that is. I understand the need for mandatory reporters.
I don’t envy the job of the investigators who work in that department. Seriously. The things they must see.
Anyway, we met with the investigator more than 10 days ago. We were told that my case would be staffed 8 days ago, and that I would hear back from them on Monday, this week, whether or not services were required. If services were required, I would then be placed on a list of people who abuse and/or neglect children. I would be on that list for a period of 10 years. I could appeal the decision. If I had been on that list, I wouldn’t be able to work with or around children for that whole period.
Any way. Monday came and went with no call. Tuesday came and went with no call. Wednesday, I called their office and asked about the decision. I was told “I was just getting ready to call you, it was determined that no services were required, though we recommend that you not use pressure point holds on your son.” They further went on to state that they would send out a letter regarding this investigation, that the results would be on file for a period, and that they would include recommendations on things to do instead of the pressure point holds. I use the pressure point holds when I felt that David was becoming violent or aggressive. I never used them for longer than necessary to calm the situation. Usually seconds, in which case he would drop whatever he was holding in his hand that could potentially be used as a weapon.
I have not received the letter yet. I imagine it will get here in the next ten days.
Investigators, if you say that you are going to call on a certain date to inform someone of the results of the investigation, please, make every effort to do so, or have someone from your office do it for you. I should have been able to get the results of your investigation the day that your agency made the decision that services weren’t required.
I get that your job is difficult.
You know what? So is parenting a child like David.
Part of me feels like I should just be thankful that this investigation is over.
On the other hand, I feel like I have been targeted or harassed because I speak out against what I see are injustices in the mental health care system. If you don’t like what I write, don’t read it. If I am inaccurate in what I write, let me know the inaccuracies, the corrections you believe should be made, and I will look into it. This part of me also wonders, “how long before they bring more allegations against me? or his mom?”
Don’t make me feel like a failure because the system fails the mentally ill more than it helps them. Help me change the system so this blog is no longer needed to raise awareness of the injustices of the current system.
I would love to never write another word about the mental health issues as they are. I would love to write about parenting issues of another type entirely. Like what to cook for dinner, or how to clean pet stains out of a rug.
I find it incredibly sad that there are people in this world who make an agency like CPS necessary. See, as a kid, I was abused. And I swore that I would never do that to my kids. And I haven’t. No child deserves to live in fear.
I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t understand David’s fear. A fear that makes him express so much hatred toward his family. Such is the world of the child with Reactive Attachment Disorder. It isn’t enough that we love him and call him our son. I never claimed that we were the perfect parents. Many times over the life of this blog, and our son’s life we have asked for help.Tweet #fighting4answrs
At 8pm, with his bedtime medicines he gets a snack. He wanted oatmeal, instead I gave him a granola bar.
He said that he would hurt me if I didn’t give him the right snack. He made a move to run, pushed our 8 foot long dining room table at me, pinching me into my chair.
I pushed back. Then because I didn’t know what he was going to do, I picked him up, took him to the living room and said that if he wanted to go to the hospital that is what would happen.
He was ready to go in minutes. Since we live an hour from the hospital, and the weather conditions were near blizzard like, I drove slowly.
David started turning the heat off and on, playing with the radio, rolling his window up and down, and then made the move. He tried to grab the steering wheel while I was driving. One of the vehicles he tried to crash us into was an ambulance.
I couldn’t both try to drive and keep him from taking the wheel, so I pulled off the road.
David was throwing things out the window, reaching over to turn off the van (something he did repeatedly). I called 911 to request assistance. Because we were in another county the call was transferred to another Sheriff office. We waited on the side of the road for about an hour for the deputies. By this time, David’s evening medicine was beginning to take affect.
So I asked him if I could drive the rest of the way into town. I also asked about turning on the heat. His reply, “Yes, and thank you for asking.”
David reported to me that he was seeing a dead friend of ours as well as our dog Brownie, who died more than a year ago.
David is most honest when he is in that stage where his medicine is just taking affect.
At the hospital, when the doctor asked him about what was going on, he told them the truth. He wanted to crash the van. And that he was angry that he didn’t get the right snack.
This morning, David reportedly told the social worker that the dead friend and our dead dog were talking to him. Telling him that some people need to be killed.
I am afraid. Last night when he was trying to crash us, I knew real fear for the first time. Having it reported that he is talking with dead people, scares me even more.
Now, there is a chance that David is telling stories. Something he is very good at doing, but there is also a chance that he isn’t. That he really is conversing with the dead. Or believes that he is. I have seen and heard David carrying on conversations with people, when he and I are in the room alone, and the only ones home.
So now what do we do? The hospital reported that it can sometimes take months to get a placement in a facility. That they would help as much as they could, but sure couldn’t keep him in the mental health unit for a couple of months.
Up until 8pm last night, we had had a fairly good weekend.Tweet #fighting4answrs